don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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