OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
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This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize