new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
