Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
