i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
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