I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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