I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
