is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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