I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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