Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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