i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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