Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
