i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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