Say something about gay babies.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
