I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
