In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
