This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
The adults are the big ones right?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
