he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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