So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
