So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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