i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
