Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
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