He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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