He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.