Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
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well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
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It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.