It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
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You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff