Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial