i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill