I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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