Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
