she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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