She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
