youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
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