somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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