Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
