News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Randomize
