2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
