New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
