why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
