So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
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