I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I have fence marks all over my body
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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