that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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