I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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