Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
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Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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