So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
