Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
