my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
