It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
