the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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