my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
