New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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