Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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