a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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