I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
