I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
