i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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