He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
