Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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