He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
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I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
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Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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